A poem to my ED

What do you want with me you contagious, belittling bastard?

Do you want to watch me cripple and crumble to the ground,

In a heap of sheer desperation that is encaptured in your wrath

Yet desperate to break free from its perpetuating condemnation to shame?

*

Why did you decide to impregnate me with your seed of self-disgust and negativity?

Why did you make everyone around me lose contact with the ill girl id become?

Why did you think the old me didn’t deserve to continue living,

The girl who smiled, the girl who was ambitious, the girl who comfortably ate

*

Who comfortably ate without looking in the mirror and relentlessly questioning

Why she had fuelled her body because it made her loathe what she saw

The girl who understood how to feed herself, without the guilt playing on her conscience

Until the day was out and she could start starving herself all over again tomorrow

*

Oh ED, you are so very cruel because nobody can hate you as much as you hate me

Or as much as you convince me to resent the body that surrounds my sickened mind

You have plagued me and morphed me into a machine of concern and self-doubt

That is having to continue to try to function in a world of human beings

*

ED, I am not human, and I have not been human since you contaminated me and my mind

Since you stole my thoughts and compensated by filling the empty space with your own

Your thoughts are disgusting, time consuming, tiresome, waste energy & make me weary

So how do I regain the thoughts that made me before you displaced the person I was?

*

ED I don’t know how to empty my body from the stains that you have scarred me with

If I could beg you to leave I would, or could hate you so much you didn’t want me anymore

If I could make you realise that you have destroyed me and it is time to for you to go

But I know those tactics won’t work & the only way is to be strong even if I’m on my knees

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One Response to A poem to my ED

  1. untoldstory6 says:

    Wow, very well written. Ed really is a bastard! Stay strong

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