What do you want with me you contagious, belittling bastard?
Do you want to watch me cripple and crumble to the ground,
In a heap of sheer desperation that is encaptured in your wrath
Yet desperate to break free from its perpetuating condemnation to shame?
Why did you decide to impregnate me with your seed of self-disgust and negativity?
Why did you make everyone around me lose contact with the ill girl id become?
Why did you think the old me didn’t deserve to continue living,
The girl who smiled, the girl who was ambitious, the girl who comfortably ate
Who comfortably ate without looking in the mirror and relentlessly questioning
Why she had fuelled her body because it made her loathe what she saw
The girl who understood how to feed herself, without the guilt playing on her conscience
Until the day was out and she could start starving herself all over again tomorrow
Oh ED, you are so very cruel because nobody can hate you as much as you hate me
Or as much as you convince me to resent the body that surrounds my sickened mind
You have plagued me and morphed me into a machine of concern and self-doubt
That is having to continue to try to function in a world of human beings
ED, I am not human, and I have not been human since you contaminated me and my mind
Since you stole my thoughts and compensated by filling the empty space with your own
Your thoughts are disgusting, time consuming, tiresome, waste energy & make me weary
So how do I regain the thoughts that made me before you displaced the person I was?
ED I don’t know how to empty my body from the stains that you have scarred me with
If I could beg you to leave I would, or could hate you so much you didn’t want me anymore
If I could make you realise that you have destroyed me and it is time to for you to go
But I know those tactics won’t work & the only way is to be strong even if I’m on my knees