Recovery is going well. So well that I am feeling so positive that I struggle to write anything meaningful? Apparently that’s a problem real writers have when their emotional issues or depression lifts… they lose the ability to write. I guess that’s the silver lining to mental instability.
I have had 10 days clean. I am on a mini binge but I am not eating so much I feel ill.
I am moving on to stage 3 of 6 of recovery – to start looking for alternatives to bingeing. Stuff to take my mind off it. That is to write a list, and every time the urge to binge comes I refer to the list and do something that distracts me from it until it eventually goes. The psych called it ‘surfing the urge’. My list will include activities such as exercise, walking, piano, art work, reading, TV, socialising, studying (I think I am going to start studying for third year in a couple of weeks, even though it doesn’t start for about two more months).
Thus after all the dozens of times I have thought I was experiencing the last binge this time I truly do as now is about fighting it. I have learnt to eat regularly, I have learnt to eat forbidden foods, so now is about resisting binges (which are the aspect of the disorder I hate the most).
What encouraged me most at the appointment with the psych yesterday was that she reassured me I can fight the urges. She said there probably will be setbacks, when it all becomes too much. But she said if you keep resisting, even if you have to do so for hours and hours, the urge will go. See, I had started to believe that once it came over me it never would release me. She also said each time I resist, the less common they will be come. She told me I have to fight it. And that I will.