Cathartic.

I believe today was the last time I binged.

I woke up, and reached for a chocolate granola bar by my bed. I spent that afternoon feeling sick and having cramps in my stomach, and fell asleep because I felt so exhausted. Mum said I looked white and my eyes looked dark.

Then tonight I had a spout of energy and started tidying. I am throwing the old me away, the clutter, the unnecessary waste of space. I can’t keep things because I may or may not want them one day. I cannot keep a watch because it holds memories from 10 years ago. I cannot live in this squalor anymore.

I am about 1/3 of the way there, and have filled 2 bin bags. I don’t really know how I have done it or where it is all coming from but it is very therapeutic. I didn’t know I had so much stuff! And more importantly I don’t plan to buy enough to create such clutter again.

Tomorrow I start living again. I have space, room to breathe, and energy to focus on the ED because for the time being exams are done and I can clear my room as a metaphor for decluttering my mind.

I am going to start a scrapbook to keep track of my progress.

I am going to eat 1600 calories.

I believe I can do this.

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4 Responses to Cathartic.

  1. Christina says:

    Good luck, you can definitely do it!

  2. The name of your blog is very catchy.

  3. Erin says:

    Don’t let your life start tomorrow. Slips and relapse are part of recovery. The scrapbook is a beautiful idea (I’ve made several myself). Your life is now. And it might be hard in the clutter and the junk, but make it work right now. If we keep waiting for tomorrow we’re going to miss all of our todays. YOU are beautiful just the way you are. Never forget that.

    • anon013 says:

      You’re so right in that it has to start today and not tomorrow. Otherwise you are just waiting for a day that will never come, just a day that you are too scared to face. Thank you for your support 🙂

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