I’ll be who you dreamed I would be

When I was just a little girl

I envisaged who I wanted to be

She was pretty and smart and funny

But she most certainly wasn’t ‘me’

.

Because I am a woman at war

Not in unity with my own mind

Derogartory thoughts decay happiness

Which occasionally lives, but only to die

.

Every day I loathe myself

I squint through teary eyes

At the world that threatens to bury me

Behind shame that drowns my pride

.

As a small girl I’d lie in bed with worries

And search darkness for the future me

I asked this figure to comfort me

I didn’t think she still wouldn’t be free

.

I thought she would be somebody else

Somebody upon whom I could rely

I thought she’d be strong and happy

Not counting gladly as time slips by

.

But here I am now aged twenty

Another ten years of life gone

Sold to the hope of a better mind

How much longer with me til ED’s done?

.

I believe bulimia will always be with me

But I have to conquer it and be strong

So that I can be the woman I dreamed of

And not do the little me wrong

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